I used to think that being mean or cruel protected me, made people respect or at least fear me so that they won’t try to hurt me. I also thought that being mean was regarded as cool. This is how you become Queen B.
When I started looking inwards for my happiness I realized that was a projection of how I felt inside. A projection of the cruel self-judgement I was using against myself. I was unkind because kind people never won I believed.
I also believed that kindness was a weakness. Boy! I was wrong. I started to see how my judgement was so strong I needed to externalize it cause I couldn’t handle it, As soon as I found the fears that were driving my unkindness and forgave them I managed to find another way of living. A power in kindness that I never realized existed. I also learned boundaries which were what I needed to feel protected (I was using being mean to protect)
I learned to communicate, I learned to find compassion for myself and others. I started to see my power without feeling victimized by the people around me or the world. Find the softness within you and give it to yourself, you won’t imagine what transformation can create.