All my life I have been told conflicting ideas and stories about what I should want, the careers I should pursue, and how I should live my life.
Most of these ideas came from my mother and other women around me who believed that it was the only way, a picture-perfect life.
According to them,
– Financial comfort and independence should be at the top of my list.
– I should be a perfect A+ student who never asks for help or support from anyone.
-If my husband cheats, I should accept it because all men cheat. This is the best you could do.
For a very long time, I had to carry the burden of living up to the expectations of everyone, even though everything in my bones told me not to. I was constantly seeking validation from them so that I could feel accomplished and whole.
I never felt a deep fire and excitement about that life, always living in constant fear and anxiety, and a rebellious act here and there. The guilt of not trying to do what I love consumed me every day that I barely slept at night. It seemed as if I could not accomplish anything.
I finally made a decision to look within myself for that inner fire. So I went on a search.
It didn’t take me long to find it. It was right there in front of me. I felt a sense of calmness that I never felt before.
But I still rejected it.
Check out what me gaslighting myself sounded like:
– There was no way someone like me could live like that, how could I even dare to think about it.
– I used to convince myself that I am happy with my life, I have that bag “What more do I want.”
– Naaaaahhh this is not for you, you are a nobody to break away from the traditions and venture out on your own.
– It’s scary out there, you can’t handle it…
– If you do this you are selfish you are betraying your family
You see lots of gaslighting of self.
As a result of this inner gaslighting, most of us silence the inner voice that tells us to go for our dreams. That voice that wants to embrace that inner voice that says, “Hey! You want great and beautiful things”
You sit there with a burning dream deluding yourself out of it, to the point where you put that dream in a box, and lock it in a dark corner in the world- while making up excuses
Please, don’t do that. You are the dreamer and you can make it happen. In my 8yrs of working with women as a color therapist, I have never encountered anyone with a dream that wasn’t doable.
I have helped women to achieve anything they aspire to and also become better in their life using meditation and color therapy(using color to treat physical and mental health by balancing the body’s energy centers).
I believe that everyone can do it.
So you need to unlearn these crippling stories you’ve been telling yourself. It’s your duty to do so:
“You are here to decide if your life, relationships and world are true and beautiful enough for you.
And if they are not and you dare to admit they are not, you must decide if you have the guts, the right – perhaps even the duty – to burn to the ground that which is not true and beautiful enough and get started building what is.”
― Glennon Doyle, Untamed